This is an outfit that i've been wanting to wear for weeks. When I first thought it up the weather wasn't co-operating, then I got sick. For a week. Finally, I felt better and today seemed the right day to wear it. I originally tried this very skirt over a shirt a year ago, (that way you can see the cute buttons on the pocket!) but I never wore it out because I didn't think it looked good. I felt waay too fat to actually wear such an outfit in public, in front of people. People who would disapprove and let me know it. Looking back, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
I was a 12 in this picture. I'm now around a 16. So of course, now I look back at that picture and can't stop thinking about how great I look. How small my waist had gotten - that's the smallest it's been since I was in jr. high! Back when I first moved to Vancouver and started walking everywhere and started eating normally, not stuffing my face full of chips all the time. But then I got a car, and couldn't get a job, and was out of school, and had really had no reason to leave the house, so I got lazy, so I gained some weight back again. So now, I am trying to embrace a philosophy that Joy Nash so wonderfully illustrates in Fat Rant*:
"Today you look at pictures...and you're shocked at how cute you were."
"Guess what? 10 years from now you'll be looking at today, photographs taken of this afternoon, of us, here, now and we'll be shocked at how cute we were....we should've been in hot pants 8 days a week, why wasn't I wearing a tank top?!"
"So, the mission: to live today like you would have 10 years from now. Cause in the future, we'll look at the past and wonder what the hell our problem was."
So it was with the advice of Joy Nash that I decided to just live for today and wear what I wanted! I mean, I love this outfit and think I look great! When I get to school and i'm the biggest girl on campus, some insecurities do creep back in - i'm not made of stone. But for the most part I was able to maintain my confidence. And to my suprise, I didn't get any negetive comments. No one yelled any variation of the 'fat insult', heck, I didn't even get any dirty looks. Either people just keep it to themselves nowadays or... maybe, just maybe....perceptions have changed? One can only hope.
Skirt: A boutique in Portland, OR.
(I got it two years ago on vacation, I can't remember what the store is called!)
*I HIGHLY, HIGHLY reccomend watching this video. And all her other fat videos. No matter what your size, i'm sure the words will inspire you! My favorite video of hers is called "Confessions of the Compulsive" - it's great at debunking the idea that all fat people are gluttonous pigs who have a compulsion to constantly eat junk food.