7.4.11


{top: F21+, jeans: Old Navy, shoes: Payless, necklace: Laura}



Yesterday was another big step in this never ending journey to self acceptance.
(It's okay if that sentance made you throw up a lil' bit in your mouth. It did for me too. I just can't think of a less cheesy way to say what I want. )

Yesterday was different. And it was all due to my decision to wear a shirt tucked into pants.
I remember just four years ago, at the same size I am now, swearing i'd never wear a shirt tucked into a skirt. That I was too fat. That it would look horrible on me. This blog is a testament to the fact that i've conqured that fear. Once I conqured the fear of the tucked in skirt, I moved my insecurity onto pants. "I love a tucked in shirt with a skirt" i'd say, "but never will I tuck my shirt into pants!" While I admired the look on others (often thinner peers, but also some fellow fatshonistas) I'd dismiss the idea for my own body, deeming it unacceptable for such a look. Then Halloween came. And my costume consituted a tucked in shirt with jeans. I would have to face my fear. Under the guise of halloween, I navigated my fears and embraced my body and how it looked at the moment, tucked in shirt and all. To my suprise I felt confident as ever and did'nt get a single disparaging word or look. I've alwas toyed (no pun intended) with the idea of trying that look for myself,  Minus all the cowgirl stuff. If I could pull it off once I could pull it off again, right?

So yesterday, I did.
When my chambray shirt and favorite jeans were begging to be worn together, I went for it. While hesitant at first, I was surprised to see I looked good! And I felt good. I let go of the fears of how I would look, and how others would perceive how I would look. And I felt great. 
But Of course there was still that little voice in the back of my head, the one that tells me i'm too fat. The one that tells me I look hideous. That everyone will stare at me, will make their comments on how discusting I am. On how I "should not be wearing that". It's the same voice that has been at the forefront of my mind for so many years of my life. The same voice that tells me I am worthless. Stupid. That I have no friends, I will never marry, I will fail out of college and be doomed to work at a coffee shop my entire life. 
But i'm working on pushing that voice outside of my head. Replacing it with another voice. One that advocates me, not terrorizes me. It's a constant struggle I know I'm not the only one dealing with.
It's a struggle, but I feel that we should all embrace our bodies as they are. Not to say we shouldn't take care of them and strive to be our personal best, (at every size!) but that we shouldn't hate them just because they don't look like everybody else's.
I can dream, right? 



I figure I should mention though, the heels are just a photo-op. They just went too perfectly with the outfit! And there's no way i'm ever wearing heels to school. I only ever wear them on sundays, as the most I can handle is shuffling around from room to room at church.




8 comments:

  1. Your outfit and your attitude are an inspiration. I have the same fears about tucking things in, and I haven't conquered the skirt, let alone the pants. I just love this outfit, and the necklace is very similar to one I own, but have yet to wear. Even though the heels were just a photo shop op, they were perfect together with this outfit.

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  2. you look amazing girl, as always!!!! the body image topic is so important... everyone has those moments and i think its important to talk about it, by the way did you get that comment i left a while back? we would really love to have you guest on our blog!

    ~selina

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  3. Awesome, awesome post. Self acceptance--and by the same note, body acceptance--can be so hard to achieve, especially where there are so many rules for certain body types supposedly not wearing this or doing that. Do you read Already Pretty? Sal wrote a great post yesterday about the "can't wear that" philosophy.

    Beyond that, I laud you for doing your thing and taking a crucial step forward! That's fantastic. And I love how the chambray shirt and jeans look together. Well done, Erin.

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  4. I love this absolutely positive post!! Weather big or small, we've all gotta deal with body issues. It's so wonderful to see you taking steps to acceptance! (the statement is kind of cheesy, but also very true!)
    Thanks so much for sharing and being honest!! :)

    My sister (the one thats the size of a stick) was actually one person who helped push me into accepting what I saw in the mirror. One day I was frustrated with getting dressed because I was having problems hiding some fat and she looked straight at me and said "Hannah, you're fat. Everyone can see you're fat, so how come you're trying to hide it?!" Usually I get mad when she says mean things about me, but it was true. It was kind of a moment for me and I'm like "yes I am fat, why am I trying to hide it? It's still going to be there under my clothes weather I wear something tight or something loose". So I went ahead and wore what I wanted. (there is a whole lot more to my story, but you'll have to wait for the book to come out. lol)

    This look you're rocking is so simple and chic and even if the red heels are just for photo effect (which I will totally admit to doing as well!) It's also pretty cool how versatile that chambray shirt is! Is there anything is DOESN'T go with?!

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  5. You look great with your shirt tucked in! It's such a crisp look.
    Brooke

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  6. Erin you look FAB in this outfit! Honestly, I love that look! I have actually had that same insecurity, thinking only the thinnest of girls could wear shirts tucked into pants, but honestly - you look SO good! I am definitely inspired follow suit. In fact, probably tomorrow. :) And PS your hair is mega long...looks so great!

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  7. You look great! You have nothing to worry about, seriously. Good for you to take this step on your fat acceptance journey.

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Thanks for stopping by! Comments are always welcome and very much appreciated. :)

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