This might be one of the scariest things i've ever done. But i've been thinking about speaking out about this issue as long as i've blogged (and before) and I finally feel like i'm at a decent enough place to do it. I'm still scared right now typing this. But i'm pushing through because I believe in the message i'd like to share. 

It's something i've struggled with my whole life.
Elementary school is when it started. I remember feeling "sad" for no reason as young as seven. I denied it until I was fifteen, then I finally sought help. I have been in and out of therapy for several years now. I have recently started on medication.
I have struggled with this, fought to the death (almost) with it, time and time again. It isn't going away. So I might as well talk about it.

I have depression.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was fifteen.
And this year my diagnosis was adjusted to bipolar disorder.


I'm all about taking away the stigma of fat bodies, as I am in one, so it seems only fitting that I work to take away the stigma of mental illness. 
Since I have one.
Because that's what this is. An illness. Something I am afflicted with through no fault of my own. 
And I can't be afraid to talk about it anymore.
If I had any other illness, would I be ashamed to talk about it? No. So why should I let myself give in to society's pressures to hide an illness that's not entirely visible? I say not entirely visible because, while I can hide my suffering from strangers at times, I have had those close to me comment on the change they see in me when I am going through a particularly rough spell.

I can't be afraid of getting help. And i'm not anymore. For the most part. 
Part of what I hope to accomplish with this post, is to reduce stigma. To let people know it's okay to get help. Because I needed it for a long time before I was brave enough to seek it.
Allow one of my favorite tumblrs, Calming Manatee to help explain why it's such an important issue to address:
"If you are sad all the time, if you are depressed, if you are having trouble just coping with life, if you are always scared, you need to go to the doctor.

If it was any other illness or problem you had (chest infection, broken leg, almost choked on a plastic bag that time), I would say the exact same thing. Just because it is an illness in your head, that does not make it any less real." [source]

But I don't want to hide it anymore. I don't want to be ashamed to be sick. I feel like I have to do my part to give a face, a voice to an illness that is so rarely talked about and even more rarely understood.

I have fought my illness and refused help for most of my life. Let myself get worse because others disregard my suffering. Only recently have I been able to seek help. While I still struggle, I can tesitfy that seeing a therapist is the best thing you can do.
I wish this post could be more positive. I wish I could say that i'm all better, that it's all over. But it will never be over. But I can get better. It can get worse. But eventually, I have to have hope, that it can get better. 

Perhaps this will help shed a light on why i've been absent on this blog for so long now. Depression has this hold over me, this power to take things I love away from me. Blogging being one of those things, among many. 

So here's my message. 
If you, or anyone you know is struggling, please give your support. If you are feeling sad, support yourself and take yourself to someone that can help. If you have someone in your life that is struggling, be there for them. Don't make them feel bad about their problems. They are good enough at doing that on their own. 

Please, be kind to others. 
Please, be kind to yourself. 


Attempts & Intentions

Sometimes I attempt to blog an outfit, but for whatever reason, some outfits just fall by the wayside. 
I've dug up some forgotten outfits over the past year or so that have sorely been neglected.

An Old Story

Today I am honored and delighted to be featured on An Old Story, the blog of the lovely and always stylish Hannah!

I got to answer five questions on blogging and life, which ended up in me rambling a lot and attempting  humour. Take a look at her Five For Friday feature with me!
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